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(I decided to post you my personal journal entry)
I haven’t checked in for the past several months. I have been slowly realizing over the past three months how much I have overcome. I’ve been able to recreate a newer me and reach a higher stage of BEING. I am being challenged in so many capacities, I can barely explain it. I have risked it all to pursue a dream of making my contribution to this world. Sounds stressful? INDEED IT IS!
I have always been a risk-adverse person when it comes to financial security and career. I guess I would say that I played it safe for sometime. I once believed that you could find a good place and work there and have job security with hard work. I went four years to college and then another three for graduate work so that I could find a good job in a place that was inviting and gratifying to work at. I soon realized that this dream wasn’t real. I found myself working for a staff and manager that dictated and scrutinized my every move, waiting to find mistakes and threaten my job security. I stood up to the challenge, as I originally thought I would become a better physical therapist because of it. But, as I worked harder to please these people, I lost sight of what I was really trying to do and that was to help people. Fear of my job security drove me to lose sight of taking care of myself. I would take work home to review materials and prepare for a better tomorrow. Yet I seemed to be pushed down. There was no pleasing these people… I’m sure some of you can relate.
Any new technique or idea I wanted to test was thwarted and everything I learned in school was going to waste as I had to follow protocol after protocol and stay within the “red-tape”. From what I saw the other staff wasn’t critiqued as much and was left alone. Was I being individually targeted? Therefore, after the first year there, I took a second job so I could challenge myself again and improve on the skills I really needed to improve on.
At 27, my blood pressure was at the level to be called High Blood Pressure. I wouldn’t sleep some nights, as I was too afraid to leave or voice up any concerns. Overall I was becoming bitter and was less of the fun-loving person I wanted to be at work. With two jobs I gained 20 excess pounds and had very little time for anything fun. Was this job killing me? I’m sure you all know the answer.
This sucks!
Who wants to work at a place that you are misunderstood, devalued, unappreciated, and threatened? I really didn’t know what I was thinking by staying. After being criticized one final time, I resigned abruptly this past April.
That day at my second job a colleague told me “it looked like something was lifted off your shoulders.”
I guess that was the case…
For the first time in my life I actually followed my gut feeling and leaped into an area that I have little knowledge about. Independence. I knew I had tons of things to deal with especially the income part of things. How would I deal with it? I just asked for more hours at the second clinic I worked at. My parents pro-job security as they are immigrants, did not understand. I told them I would be ok it was for me. I had plans and faith that I would find a way to succeed.
At this point, I tried to figure out if I wanted to jump back into the system of job-security and face possibly more criticism. I was more reluctant to follow through with such a plan. And I held to the part time clinic hours just enough to cover my expenses. Crazy huh?!!!
This is where it gets really exciting. So what have I been doing with my “free-time”?
I’ve been really busy with my new venture www.wellnessrevolution101.com check it out! It’s not officially launched yet. I have been stretched to the max trying to be about 11 different employees in one and spending a load of my savings to run and operate. The great thing about all this is that I am my own boss and dictate my own destiny. The way it should be! I’m fortunate to be just getting by but I am living more, being imaginative, and creative for the first time in a long time.
I’ve been more alive around people and more fun to be around. I’m more in tuned with my body, mind, and spirit. I took up working out again and following my own regiment. So far the pounds are trimming and my stress is now a different kind of stress. The good kind of course.
I’d have to say I’m really proud for the things that I have been able to achieve in such short time. And I am so excited about what the future holds for me.
If you find yourself in a similar boat, do something crazy, I’m sure you can find a way to make it work.
